Listen To Your Children

I have learned a valueable lesson over the past few days. What I've learned is that one way or another, we will hear our children when they speak. It's best that we listen early on rather than later. My son shared some shocking information with me yesterday that he had been trying to tell me for a while. If I had listened to him earlier, the news wouldn't have been so shocking and things may be a little differnt now. I have a pretty good relationship with my son so I was surprised at the information that he shared with me. I thank GOD that yesterday, he grabbed me by the hand and said "LISTEN!" I hear you now son and I plan to do a better job at hearing and listening! If your child is trying to talk to you, please listen with both eyes and ears before it's too late.

Well, Thanksgiving is over and I'm good and full. I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving. I've spent a lot of time with my family these past few days and have enjoyed every moment with them. I have the next few days off work and I plan to do nothing, but relax!!

Someone recently suggested that I read a book titled "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill. I found the PDF file for the book online, so I decided to look through that before actually purchasing the book. Has anyone read the book? If so, what are your thoughts on the book? For those that have never heard of the book, it's supposed to be a persoanl development book that offers 13 principles that are useful for achieving success. We'll see. I'll be sure to share important tips found in the book.

Do you have any suggestions of good books that could benefit other readers? If so, please share them!!

Thankful

As I sit in my car during my lunch break, I'm relecting on the things that I am most thankful for.

Good health
Loving children
Employment
Loving family and friends
Lessons learned from obstacles

Despite the challenges of single parenting and a stressful job, I appreciate and love my life right now. I feel,blessed, beautiful, capable, powerful and inspired. I thank GOD for the space I'm in right now. I am because he is!

Married, But Separated-Is It Okay To Date?

So, I'm playing around on the internet tonight and I stumble across an article of a girl asking for advice regarding dating a married man.  This man is her best friend and ex-boy friend whom she feels has some kind of feelings for her. For some reason, he and his wife live in two different states (the writer doesn't indicate that there are problems in the marriage or that there is a divorce in process). Of course most responses advised the girl to stay away. Yet there is one response that was a little different. Check it out:

"well it depends...why is he 400 miles away from his wife? are they separated? if they are separated then it should be obvious to anyone that it is ok..as long as they are going through the processes of divorce. otherwise I can see how it could be morally wrong."

Reading this question has sparked some questions in my mind about how people feel about dating married men. My question is "would you knowingly date a married, but separated man and why/why not?"  How about a man that is not married, but has a girlfriend? Is either situation better than the other?

The Gift of Giving-Update

Looking for a place to donate clothes or household items? Thanks to fabmomclt reader, Jack for sharing additional information on where you can donate items for the homeless. Jack responded to an article that I posted back in October titled "The Gift of Giving." Please see his comment below regarding "The Free Store."

"Yet another place is the Free Store, 516 E 15th St. The primary clients are the homeless and those just getting into homes. Shoes, thermal underwear (it is COLD without a house!), other clothing, furniture, small appliances ... if it was ever of value to anyone, then someone will have a need for it. Open Sat 10-5, Mon, Tue, Thur & alternate Wed 9-2. 704-287-7550"

Cool Beauty/Fashion Finds

My son is not feeling well today, so we're spending some time in the hospital. What else to do, but surf the internet while he's resting? I've found some cool websites and inexpensive beauty items, so I thought I would share them. Hey, I'm sharing information and getting some good ideas for myself! Hope you enjoy!

The Cause Shoppe-Check out this cool philanthropic shopping site. See a quick blurb below from their website. It will be up and running soon, so be sure to stay tuned....

The Cause Shoppe will be providing shoppers with a single location to find the best products and services benefiting great causes. At the same time, retailers will be provided with a fresh, professional approach to promoting their philanthropic products." http://www.thecauseshoppe.com/

Lavish Giving- Great Holiday shopping with purpose - Designate any charity at checkout to receive 10% of yr purchase value! Check it out http://bit.ly/405Oa3.

E.L.F. beauty products at Target- I told you a few weeks ago that these products would soon be available at Target....well they're here. I copped a lip gloss set similar to the one below. Mine has three tubes of the Hypershine Gloss. Only cost me three bucks. I don't like the smell of the glosses, but hey I can't go wrong for only $3. If I don't end up liking them, I'm sure my daughter will!!

O.P.I. Nail Lacquer- OPI's Breathe Life Nail Lacquer (a fresh-air, silvery blue) was created to help the Lung Cancer Foundation of America in its efforts to raise funds for early detection, diagnosis, and a cure. A portion of the proceeds go to the Lung Cancer Foundation. This is a really pretty color. Check it out:

Volunteer Opportunties in Charlotte, N.C.

I know many people are looking for volunteer opportunities in Charlotte, but just don't know how to get involved. I've posted some websites below that you can contact for more information. Be sure to share this information with friends and family. We all have potential to give back. And parents, please also get your children involved. Volunteering will help build character. Parents, please also remember that volunteering requirements commitment. Be honest about how much time you and/or your child commit before you accept an assignment. Remember, you can also volunteer at your child's school.....or any school!!!Good Luck!!

Volunteer Matching Opportunities in Charlotte and Rockhill, S.C.
www.volunteermatch.org/bymsa/m1520/c/opp1.html

Click here to search for local opportunities. Local.com
http://www.local.com/results.aspx?keyword=volunteering&location=charlotte+nc&cid=2265&gid=US_-_Explicit&gclid=COrRr92Al54CFYdd5Qod3iPYog

Team Helping Hands
Please send email to teamhelpinghands@aol.com

Hands On Charlotte
www.handsoncharlotte.org/

Do Something-click here to find opportunities in your area
http://www.dosomething.org/volunteer

Girl Talk Foundation
http://www.girltalkfoundationinc.com/

Parenting-You Be The Judge

Earlier this week, I initiated a discussion on facebook about single parenting and my views on court ordered child support. Basically, I think court ordered child support is for lames. I understand that there are some really good fathers out here (my dad is one of them). I also understand that there are unfortunate circumstances where court ordered child support is best for all, but there are too many mothers  struggling to raise their children alone and in my humblest opinion, men should be more than willing to provide for their children without being forced to do so. Anyway, during this discussion, one of my childhood friends (a male) made a reference to the roles of parents. In short, he said "Mothers are teachers. Father's are providers."

I understand his point, but I choose not to assign roles to parenting. In my humblest opinion, each parent is equally responsible for all needs of the child. Additionally, there are just some things that boys will learn best from their dads as well as things that girls will learn best from their mothers. So basically, both parents should be nurturers and providers.
I want to hear from you. What is your view on co-parenting? How can we as co-parents work  together in the best interest of our children?

Note: I would like for this to be a positive discussion. It is not my intention to place blame or to discredit others for their efforts as parents. I actually plan to gather some data about "co-parenting" and how to improve the relationships between the mother and the father. Your comments are most welcome.

Hope For The Homeless Awareness Walk This Weekend!

5TH ANNUAL HOPE FOR THE HOMELESS AWARENESS WALK

Saturday, November, 21, 2009

In front of Crisis Ministry-500 Spratt Street, Charlotte, NC 28206

From 9:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m.

Come out for a day of family activities, entertainment, information, and support those who are homeless in our community. Join the hundreds of people who Speak With Their Feet and raise awareness of the growing issue of homelessness in our great city.

Check in and registration begins at 9:30 AM. The Walk begins at 10:30 AM. Hot soup will be served at 11:30 AM, and activities are ongoing until 1:00.

Adults $10.00
Children 13 and Up $10.00
Children 12 and Under No Charge
No pets, please.

This information was obtained from the A Way Home's website. Please access the site for additional details. http://www.awayhome.org/

Learning To Embrace ME!

One of the biggest issues that we deal with as women is learning to love ourselves. As children, most of us learned that longer hair, slimmer figures and lighter skin is the epitome of "beauty". As an African American teenager, I often dealt with the criticism of having a dark complexion.  People (including close family members) used it as an insult against me. Then as I got older, I would often be tagged as "the cute dark skinned" girl.....as if dark skinned girls can't be cute. I could go on and on about the "dark skin" issue within the African American culture, but I'd rather not, I'd be here all day.

My point here is that as women, we must learn to love and embrace every part of our being. We are all beautiful, yet unique. There are no standards of beauty for beauty comes in different sizes, shapes and complexions. This is also what we must teach our young daughters.  Let's not based our worth and love of self on what is depicted as beautiful by the media. I know it's easy to say, but really, we must begin to really love who we are. Let's start today by naming five things that we love or will learn to love about ourselves. Not only things about our body, but who we are as a whole. Okay, here are five things that I love about me:

1. My dark complexion
2. The fullness of my lips
3. The shape of my legs
4. My giving spirit
5. My ability to learn and share what I've learned

Okay, so it took me a while to embrace the first two (dark skin and big lips), but I can honestly say that I learned to love them! They make me who I am!

Now, share five things that you've learned or is learning to love about YOU!! You never know, you may inspire someone today! :0)

Fall Wish List

Two items on my Wish List for the fall are a pair of grey suade pumps like the ones below. These are Seven For All Mankind, but I'm not looking to pay the big bucks for these. :0) I should have grabbed the ones I saw on sale in Banana Republic this summer! Could kick myself for not getting them.  I'm also in love with the various styles of thigh high boots that are killing right now. I like the ones below on Eva Marcille. Gotta stay on watch for these. I really want them in black though!! Okay Fab moms, what fashionable items are on your fall Wish List?

Happy Friday!

Hello and Happy, Happy Friday! Just checking in to encourage everyone to enjoy their day and to end their work week on a positive note! Be encouraged and as much as you can, encourage someone else! Eliminate negativity from your life. Remember how easily our kids learn from us. We should be modeling positive behavior so that they will do the same. We are our children's most influential teachers! Lastly do something nice for someone today and don't expect anything in return! It truly is for YOU and NOT them! Smooches.....

Walking In Our Father's Favor

Below is a poem that I thought you all may enjoy. It was written by a co-worker. Please read and enjoy.

Walking In Our Father’s Favor

Let’s gather together Sisters

And have our sister talk

Instead of sitting and listening

Let’s take a spiritual walk

While walking on this journey

Begin to release the things on your mind

Make sure to take Jesus with you

And victory you shall find

When life gets really hectic
And you’re heavy laden with your test
Go to God’s green pastures
There you will find rest

When you start to run on empty
And you know that you’re not able
There is a pleasure in knowing
That you can go to God’s Devine table

After dining at his table
Tell others of our Father’s glory
About his goodness and his mercy
Because only you can tell your story

Tell them what you tasted
How God’s love you now savor
That as a woman of Christ
You’re now walking in your Father’s favor

Pearlie Gilliam (11/10/09)

My Water Update!
I need encouragement. I'm not doing well at drinking the eight glasses each day. Help!!

How To Stay Fabulous for Less $$$

As women, we put a lot of money and time into our looks. In many cases, we spend more than we can afford to. Some of us even go into debt trying to keep up with the "Joneses." Listen up ladies, we don't have to spend out of control to look good. One of my favorite past times is thrift shopping. Trust me, I've found some fabulous designer items in consignment and thrifts stores (Michael Kors, Banana Republic, Ann Klein, Ralph Lauren, etc..) In these economic times, it is smart to save as much as we can in order to prepare for unforseen hardships, but whose to say we can't still be FABULOUS on a dime? I found some really cool tips and websites in the new issue of People Style Watch magazine to help us keep our style game on point. Check below:

• 
  
  Swap Clothes Online-Check out http://www.swapstyle.com/! (You can also google other sites.)
  
  
  
• 
  
  Get more out of your beauty products by mixing a spritz of your favorite perfume to a unscented drug store lotion. You can also dilute your shampoo with water in a 1:1 ratio. This prolongs the shelf life of the shampoo.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Check out the following websites for Online Fashion and Beauty Deals
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.alloy.com/ for items under $100
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.shop4sparkles.com/ for expensive looking handbags
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.shopthelook.net/ for fun jewlery under $20
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.eyeslipsface.com/ for makeup items for $1 (I've actually purchased from here. It really is this cheap!!!)
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.mybeautyberry.com-weekly/ updates on drugstore lines to high end lines
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.iheartthat.com/ Go here to check out celebrity fashion inspirations
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.weardrobe.com/- Check out this site for pictures of real girls from around the country who have posted pictures of themselves in everday fashions that you can afford. Go here for ideas of how to spice up your wardrobe.
  
  
  
• 
  
  http://www.whowhatever.com/- Find out how to put together an outfit.
  
  
  

Water Update

Yesterday, I told you guys that I would try to drink at least 8 glasses of water each day this week. Well....unfortunately, I only drank about 5 glasses.....But I'm working hard and I'll shoot for 8 glasses today!! Wish me luck...Hey, at least I'm honest! :0)

Happy Happy Monday!!

Happy Monday and welcome to a new week! I am blessed and I praise GOD for another day! I hope everyone has a productive Monday and a very successful week. Remember to set your goals and work very hard to meet them. This week, I MUST drink more water. I have done poorly in keeping hydrated as well as making my kids stay hydrated. It just dawned on me today that this could be why my scalp has been so flaky and itchy, my skin seems to be blotchy and my energy level is in the pits. I'm sure it's because I haven't drank enough water. So......my goal this week is to drink at least eight glasses of water each day. Wish me luck! I encourage you to do the same.  I'll be sure to post how I'm doing each day.
Also, I visited a cool website that gave some tips on hydration. I've listed some tips below, but you can access the website to get more information. It's a really cool site. check it out. http://www.wateraid.org/

• Start the day with a cup of hot water with a good squeeze of fresh lemon. It boots the digestive system.
• Drink water instead of caffeine or alcohol. They both cause the body to lose water. 
• Keep water with you at all times, especially when you're on the go.
• Drink a glass of water before and during each meal
• Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. They contribute to your water intake.
• Have a glass of cold water when you start to feel hungry. People often confuse mild feelings of thirst with mild hunger.
• Water is the ultimate beauty product; dehydrated skin looks older than it is. Drink lots to keep your skin looking younger and more vibrant.
• Water can help with dieting. Drinking water often curbs the appetite and it is calorie free.

Do you have any tips on how to stay hydrated? Share them in comments.

Randoms

Singer Monica is gracing the cover of the November issue of Upscale Magazine. Please check out the hot photo shots taken by celecbrity photographer; D. Blanks. During the interview Monica speaks briefly about her relationship with Keisha Cole. The focus of the article is particularly on her ability to maintain who she is in the entertainment business and staying true to what she truly believes in (God, family and friends.) Check it out.

Be on the look out for new Holiday Make Up Samplers/Kits. I saw that MAC has already put theirs out this weekend. I briefly looked at the lipgloss and eye shadow kits. Sephora has a few out as well. I saw a few of them in the new People Style Watch. Be sure to check them out as well.

Reflections

I love to read "self help" books; although I never read the entire book. For the most part, I skim through the book and highlight important items and make notes on things that are relevant to my life at the moment. It seems as if no matter how old the book is, you can return some years down the road and the information is still relevant. Take for example, a quote that I found in Russell Simmons' 2007 book, "Do YOU, 12 Laws To Access the Power in You To Achieve Happiness and Success".

"If you wait for "someday," you're going to be waiting for a very long time. But once you start TODAY, you'll find that success is much closer than you even imagined. If fact, the day you start, you're already a step closer. -Russell Simmons

I just happened to open the book and these words had been highlighted (by me of course). I love it because this is exactly how I feel about my life at the present. I'm glad that I pulled the book back out because now I'm inspired to continue reading and reflecting.

 Looking for this book? This is what the cover looks like:

Domestic Violence is NOT Cool

After months of speculating and waiting to hear Rihanna's recount of the altercation between her and ex-boyfriend, Chris Brown, the public has finally heard her story. Rihanna sat down with Diane Sawyer and shared her story with the world in a 20/20 interview. The internet is flooded with articles about the interview as well as segments of the actual video. The interview has also become a trending topic on Twitter. Many believe that Rihanna has not disclosed the full details of the altercation. Some believe that she may have been equally abusive to Chris. In my opinion, it doesn't matter who abused who or how much of the altercation is disclosed to the public. The real issue is that while we're finding interest in Rihanna and Crhis' situation, there are people right around the corner from us, or perhaps in our own households being victimized everday. Domestic Violence is a serious issue that requires more attention.
Did you know:

•  One in four women experience domestic violence. Imagine that you take your daughter and three of her classmates out for ice cream. One of these little girls (perhaps, it's your daughter) will become a victim of domestic violence at some point in their life? Scary huh?
• Domestic Violence occurs against men, women and children. Children who witness domestic violence usually grow up comitting violence on others.
• Women of all races are equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate partner
• 3 out of 4 Americans know someone who is or has been victimized by a spouse or partner within the last year
• More than three women and one man are murdered by a spouse or intimate partner in the U.S. EVERYDAY!

This information was obtained from the Domestic Violence Resource Center's website. Click this link for more information. http://www.dvrc-or.org/domestic/violence/resources/C61/#dom

If you know someone who is or has suffered from domestic violence, you can help them by accessing the sites or calling the numbers below:

         Natl Domestic Violence Hotline-1-800-799-7233 TTY: 1-800-787-3224

• Alliance for Chidren and Families - http://www.alliance1.org/
• Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community http://www.dvinstitute.org/
• National Latino Alliance for the elimination of Domestic Violence http://www.dvalianza.org/
• You have the power....Know how to use it. inc. http://www.yhtp.org/
• Promote Truth. org http://www.promotetruth.org/

Living With Sickle Cell

14 years ago on this date, I gave birth to a handsome baby boy! Happy 14th birthday to my warm and loving son, Cori! As I celebrate Cori's birthday, I also celebrate his life! You see, Cori is one of the 70,000 Americans living with Sickle Cell Disease. Many people misunderstand the effects as well as the severity of this disease. In fact, there is still so much that I don't even understand.

What Is Sickle Cell?
To put it simply, Sickle Cell is an inherited disorder that affects the red blood cells. Key word here is inherited! Yes, just as we inherit traits such as hair and eye color from our parents, we also inherit sickle cell traits. The most common symptom of Sickle Cell Disease is the pain episodes, however, there are many other symptoms.

The Truth

• To clear up a few misconceptions about the disease, it is not a "Black" disease. According to the American Heart, Lunch and Blood Institute, Sickle Cell affects people from all over the world and many ethnicities.
• People living with the trait  are not widely known to experience the severe pain episodes. For the most part, people living with the trait,(like me) have no symptoms at all. In fact, many people with the trait, may not even be aware that they carry the trait, which is why it is important for EVERYONE to be tested for the trait prior to having children.
• Sickle Cell does not cause death. Like other disorders or diseases, it is possible for Sickle Cell to attack our main body organs, which could then lead to death. So, people may die from complications that sickle cell causes to the organs just as cancer or diabetes, etc.

Cori lives a very normal life. There are no obvious physical identifiers of the disease, so he doesn't "look" like he has a disorder. He can do most activities as his peers, except that he gets tired easy and he has to take precautions with activities such as swimming. He attends normal school and is expected to make good grades just as any other child. Most importantly, I don't make him feel different.

I am grateful to have such a loving young man in my life. I am most grateful that sickle cell does not define my son. He does not use it as a crutch. I give all praises to GOD for blessing me with this child! Happy Birthday Cori!

If you would like to know more about sickle cell disease, you can check out these sites or reach out to your local Sickle Cell Assocation.

http://www.sicklecelldisease.org/about_scd/index.phtml
http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/sicklecell/default.htm
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/dci/Diseases/Sca/SCA_WhoIsAtRisk.html

When The Divorce Is Over....

Hello fabulous people!

So I'm hanging out on Twitter last night and there's a few folks who had some "words of choice" for Tameka Foster Raymond (ex-wife of superstar Usher Raymond) regarding her decision to keep her married last name.

I don't understand why there's a big deal about her keeping the name. After all, it's HER name and it doesn't change the fact that they were married and had children together. If she wasn't Tameka Raymond, would people even care? Note: Just to keep things clear, the comments came from a few of her followers. There were no comments on Twitter that suggests that she was asked to relinquish her last name. (Just thought I'd share that.)

So now I want to know, when a woman divorces, should she return to using her maiden name or should she keep her married name? Is there a politically correct answer to this question? Well..... I searched the internet to see what others think. Check out some of the responses I found:

• "Most women who get divorced change their names back anyway; who would want to keep the name of someone they aren't married to anymore?"
• "I did. It gave me back my own Identity."
• "Think it over 1oo times, You will then be using a different surname as your kids, which will cause confusion & lits of questions for your kids."
• "If she has only been married for 1-3 years, the answer is yes. Over 4 years married, the answer is no. The woman should not change to her maiden name for these reasons:
  
  If she has earned less than her husband, his retirement checks will be more than hers. If he dies before her, she can claim his portion of social security benefits-even though they are divorced. If she changes her last name, she will have to prove (and this will take a long time) that she was married to him and she is entitled to his social security benefits."

You know after I think about it, there could be some benefits in keeping the last name of a well known R and B Superstar. Excuse my language, but hell, if my last name was "Raymond", I wouldn't change either. I would use that s@#(  to advance my career further. Don't Judge Me!

How Do You Define Yourself?

Let's have some fun!!

Think of a few positive adjectives or characteristics that define you. Find a creative way to display these words so that they serve as a positive reinforcement. Post them in a place where you will view them frequently such as a vision board, at your workspace or on a refrigerator.

I took a stab at it; now it's your turn! In the words of P. Diddy, "Let's Go People!!"

FLY
AMBITIOUS
BELIEVER OF GOD
UPLIFTING
LOVING
OBEDIENT
UNIQUE
SECURE

Be sure to share yours in comments!!

Stay Happy

Work is stressful! Regardless of your career field, there will always be challenges, demands and deadlines. I refuse to loose my joy over work, so today I am creating a "Top Ten" list of things to do to keep my joy today!!

1. Praise God for my blessings. I could be without work!
2. Focus on my purpose for working (my children)
3.Surround myself with like-minded, positive people
4.Don't get involved with the dirt (complainers, gossipers, etc..)
5.Give my best and stay on task to prevent additional stress!!
6. Smile and be pleasant to those arround me
7. Help where I can and enocourage others to do the same
8. Eat heatlhy so that I can keep a clear mind
9. Don't stress! I know that there are far worst things that could be happening in my life. This is a breeze!! Believe it!!
10. Rejoice and prepare for my day off on FRIDAY!!!!!

Make your own "Top Ten" list and stick to it. See if it makes you happy. Enjoy your day!!

The Power of Forgiveness

For nearly six years, I held onto ill feelings about close family member. I've refused to have any contact (at all) with this person. I wouldn't speak nor look at them. I wouldn't even allow them to interact with my children. Because I was hurt, I intended to hurt them by removing them from my life completely. What I didn't realize all these years is that the person I hurt the most was ME!! By harboring those feelings; I became angry, resentful and bitter (sounds like a Tasha Mack story, huh?). As a result, I also adopted poor habits (fear and lack of trust) that would eventually cause more harm than I could've imagined. Fast forward six years and several bouts of anxiety and panic attacks, I finally realized that in order to become the person that God intended for me to be, I needed to make some changes in my life; starting with forgiveness. So, I did the unthinkable and called this person. The moment I dialed the number, a weight was lifted from my body...my spirit. I knew that I had taken the right steps. I honestly believe that my life has taken a positive turn ever since. What I have learned is that forgiveness is not for the other person. Forgive is for YOU! For some reason, we seem to think being mad at a person, will make us feel better, when in fact, it actually hurts us. Unforgivness complicates our walk with God. When we learn to forgive, we're following God's instructions. Remember what the bible says: If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins ( Matthew 6:14)

Have you ever struggled to forgive someone? How did you find your way to forgiveness. Share your story in comments

For more information on learning to forgive, check out the links below:
http://www.joycemeyer.org/

http://www.ineedmotivation.com/blog/2009/03/what-are-the-benefits-of-forgiveness/ (click here to learn of physical benefits associated with forgiving.)